Category: Columns

Originally appeared in Transgender Tapestry #105, Spring 2004.

Dear Ari,
I began my transition two years ago with my ex-wife?s support (sort of). At first she really seemed happy that I was finally becoming myself, but lately she has been difficult to get along with and I feel she?s trying to take my kids from me. My son is seven years old, and my daughter is 10, and they both ?know,? but I?m not sure they understand. Recently, my ex yelled at me on the phone and told me the children could never call me ?Mommy.? This hurt my feelings. What do you think the kids should call me? Daddy doesn?t really fit anymore, does it?
Just sign me ?Parent?

Originally appeared in Transgender Tapestry #105, Spring 2004.

by Miqqi Alicia Gilbert
Part 2 of 2


When we left off I was pontificating on the importance clothing plays in establishing who and what we are. We all know this and act accordingly, as, for example, when we carefully choose just the right clothes for a job interview. For the interview, you want your choice of clothing to establish that you are the sort of person being sought. You?ll dress one way for a corporate position and quite another for a job as a salesclerk in a grunge clothing store. Clothing expresses who you are and also what you know. By applying for the grunge job while wearing a J. Crew outfit, you?ve clearly shown you?re not the right person for them?you don?t know enough. A male going on an interview or a first date often takes a fair bit of time and care with his appearance, while most women take that time and care most of the time. They?re taught they are always under scrutiny, always being judged, always on display.

Originally appeared in Transgender Tapestry #103, Fall 2003.

by Monica F. Helms

A dark and dismal Phoenix apartment sits empty, waiting for its one lone occupant to return. Enter one Monica Helms, a broken shell of a transsexual woman, eking out a meager existence in a life of endless solitude and anonymity. Little did she know, as she put her groceries away, that her life would soon change. The concept of change is not unfamiliar to a transsexual. However, the kind of change Monica will experience can only be found in? the Twilight Zone.? (Insert theme music here.) Monica placed the last can of baked beans on the shelf. ?My life is so dull and boring,? she sighed. ?Just once, I wish I could have a little excitement.?

Originally appeared in Transgender Tapestry #103, Fall 2003.

We?re happy to welcome therapist Arlene Istar Lev?known informally as Ari?to our roster of columnists.?Ed.


Dear Ari,
I?m a 35-year-old transgendered person with a problem. I?ve told everyone in my family about my plans, and all have taken it remarkably well. This includes my spouse, whom I deeply love, and who has known about me since before we were wed. The problem now is deciding how to tell our five-year-old daughter. Any suggestions would be sincerely appreciated.
??Ready to Tell?

Originally appeared in Transgender Tapestry #103, Fall 2003.

by Li Anne W. Taft

Giving All the Right Answers
When body features, voice, and personal history don?t quite match, curious others often want to know more than transgendered men and women are willing to tell.

?This is Hina from the bank loan department. Does a William E. Taft live there?? I nearly dropped the phone?it?s been six years since anyone used my old ?male? name. Since I enjoyed a friendly relationship with people at my local bank, I was determined to keep news of my gender change from them to defend against possible stink eye and whispers. ?No, why do you ask?? I responded. ?Well,? Hina continued, ?we have a William Taft on your customer record with your social security number.? Without hesitation, I informed her, ?There is no William Taft here? we?re separated. I got that man out of my life.? ?Oh, I?m so sorry?we?ll change your records,? Hina said apologetically. Hanging up, I felt a bit devilish, but glad I had been open about my past without being ?too? revealing.