About Cross-dressers and Crossdressing
Am I a crossdresser?
A crossdresser is someone who enjoys dressing as a member of the gender "opposite" from their birth gender, but has no desire to change their sex permanently. Crossdressing is one form of being transgendered.
How do I know I am not a transsexual?
Transsexuals feel "in their soul" that they are the opposite sex. They feel at odds with their own body. Many will crossdress to feel more comfortable, but this is a temporary remedy. Some will undergo SRS (sexual reassignment surgery), or hormone treatment, others simply live full-time crossdressed.
How will I know if I'm a crossdresser
rather than a transsexual?
For some it's hard to tell, because you may be dealing with the frustrations of wanting to dress as a member of the opposite sex and not being able to. Others know and feel their true sex. By allowing yourself the opportunity to periodically crossdress and establish some normal routines while crossdressed, you will develop a sense of what gender attributes you have. It may be some time before the euphoria of crossdressing subsides so youҲe in touch with your true feelings.
Am I a homosexual in denial?
Most crossdressers are heterosexual, and married. For the majority, their sexual orientation is toward members of the opposite sex. However, a smaller number are bisexual. Most gay men are attracted to maleness, and not to femaleness.
Should I seek professional help?
Crossdressing itself is not considered an illness.
So crossdressing alone is not a reason to get therapy.
However, there are usually many other issues an individual
has around crossdressing. These can include your spouse's
feelings, the paranoia of being exposed, and shame. These
are issues which can cause stress and other problems where
a therapist can be helpful.
Can I be cured?
You're not sick! Many therapists even consider crossdressers
to be "gender-gifted". A better question is, "Can I find my
place in the infinite possibilities of gender types?" The answer
to that question is, "Yes."
If there's nothing wrong with me, why do I feel so bad?
We all encounter messages every day which give us clues to
the behavior expected of us. If these expectations donҴ fit
our own feelings, we feel out of sorts and alienated. Many of
these clues are gender-related, yet gender is not discussed
much in our culture. Most people mistakenly associate gender
with sex, but gender is about feelings and behavior. In a
support group, you will learn you are not alone, and you are
allowed to feel good about yourself.
What will a support group do for me?
Transgendered support groups provide a variety of services
and activities. Some are more social clubs so the support is
through friendship rather than through structured programs.
Other clubs provide programs such as classes on the various
aspects of crossdressing, from "passing" to voice lessons.
They may also have a spouses' support group and referral service.
A support group may teach you how to function in public
when you're ready for this step. All support groups, however,
provide a network of friends. For most people, this is their
most important function.
How can I find a support group?
IFGE maintains lists of groups all over the country.
(You can find a list of national organizations at the end of
this article.) It is a good idea to call the group and ask
what types of activities they have, what their requirements
are, dues, and where they meet.
Can I protect my identity if I join a group?
Yes. All support groups realize that a member's identity is a
personal matter and must be kept secure to protect their family
and job. In general, their membership lists are not made public
to anyone. Different groups adopt different policies for the
security of members. Usually you will be made aware of their
security practices when you call. This is a common concern with
all support groups, so don't hesitate to ask.
Can't I stop crossdressing? Won't it just go away.
Many people deny the desire to crossdress for years. Denial is a
safety mechanism which works, but not in the long term.
Crossdressing may be hardwired into the brain. It will not go
away. Unless you face your feelings, denial will cause frustration,
anger, and depression. You may not be ready to join a support group,
but for your own good make a phone call and learn about the opportunities
available to help resolve these conflicts. No one should suffer alone
and in silence.
What about my spouse and family?
Many spouses can learn to accept, and even to embrace a partnerҳ
crossdressing. There are numerous "gender friendly" counselors and
therapists who work with CDs and their families. There are also
support groups for spouses and for family members.
Are there any books on crossdressing?
Many fine books on crossdressers and crossdressing issues are
available through the IFGE bookstore and elsewhere.
Among them:
Rachel Miller: The Bliss of Becoming One: Integrating
"Feminine" Feelings into the Male Psyche
Vanessa S.:
The Cross and the Crossdresser
Lesley Gordon:
Aspects of Gender: A Study of Crossdressing
J.J. Allen: The Man in the Red Velvet Dress:
Inside the World of Crossdressing
Peggy Rudd, EdD:
My Husband Wears My Clothes
Where can I get help and further information?
The following organizations offer referrals, contact numbers for
local groups across the country, and support for crossdressers and their families:
AMERICAN BOYZ
Tel: (410)392-3640.
E-mail: info@amboyz.org.
For female-to-male crossdressers.
FEMALE-TO-MALE INTERNATIONAL
FTM International, 1360 Mission St., Suite 200, San Francisco, CA 94103
For female-to-male crossdressers and transsexuals.
INTERNATIONAL FOUNDATION FOR GENDER EDUCATION
IFGE, PO Box 229, Waltham MA 02454-0229
Tel: (617)894-8340 Fax: (781)899-5703.
E-mail: info@ifge.org
For crossdressers and other transgendered individuals.
SOCIETY FOR THE SECOND SELF (TRI-ESS)
Tri-Ess, PO Box 194, Tulare CA 93275
Email:trisinfo@aol.com
For heterosexual crossdressers, whether male-to-female
or female-to-male, and their families.
SPOUSES/PARTNERS INTERNATIONAL CONFERENCE for EDUCATION
SPICE, PO Box 5304, Katy TX 77491
Email: melpeg@phoenix.net
Annual conference focused on partners of male-to-female
crossdressers and their gender-gifted husbands.
(Original text prepared with the assistance of Cally Nichols
and the Tiffany Club of New England support group.)
This information is provided by:
The International Foundation for Gender Education
a 501(c)3 non-profit organization serving the transgender community
P.O.Box 229, Waltham, MA 02454-0229
Tel:781-899-2212 Fax:781-899-5703
E-Mail:
info@ifge.org
IFGE